Hello. It’s me, Jodean. It’s 4:00 in the morning and I woke up with a head cold and throbbing sinus headache and now I can’t get back to sleep. What better to do than some rambly, sleep-deprived blogging! My mind is racing with all the to-do’s on my list tomorrow and rehashing yesterday’s Mommy-guilt moments. I had no patience with Miles. He was having a particularly whiny day (one of those two time-outs before 8:00 am, pour Mama another cup of coffee kind of days…) He insisted on toast with honey for breakfast, and when I told him we didn’t have bread but he could could have a little honey on his oatmeal, he had a complete meltdown. And then, when he finally calmed down, he told me that well, maybe he could settle for just toast with honey. Seriously?!? Replay meltdown. He spent all morning snatching toys from Zeke (“brother can’t play with my toys”) and making him cry (which Zeke was already doing enough of since he has also been afflicted with the head cold), wreaking havok in my studio while I tried catching up on a couple of commissioned dolls, and finally, waking up Zeke from what turned out to be a completely insufficient half-nap. That, coupled with this sinusy, sniffly, coughy head cold thing was my tipping point. I pretty much just quit for the day. Snapped at Miles. Resorted to arguing and bargaining with a four year old and eventually just turned on cartoons and let the kids loose to make a complete mess of the house.
I hate days like that. That’s not the mom I want to be or the childhood I want my kids to remember. And so, here I sit (it is now 4:15 am) trying to figure out what went wrong. Was it the weather, cold and rainy, that kept us shut up inside all day? The not feeling so well? The stress of too many things that “needed” to be done? Was it me? Sigh. I know not every day can be sunshine and roses, and maybe we wouldn’t fully appreciate those days if we didn’t have the dreary, gray ones sometimes too.
Every night at the dinner table, we have a little ritual that we do called “favorite things.” We each take a turn sharing one of our favorite special moments from the day (Miles usually has 5 or more). It’s a simple, but great way to put the day in perspective since on even the dreariest of days there is something worth pausing and savoring. Some days you may have to search a lot deeper to find them, but the beautiful moments are always there. Last night, for some reason or another, we didn’t do favorite things, and of all days, I think we really need it. So, since everyone else is asleep I shall share my favorite thing or two here: last night after nursing Zeke I expected him to take off like the on-the-go, no-time-for-snuggling toddler that he has become, but instead he rested his head on my chest, burrowed into my arms and held me in a big bear-hug. It only lasted for a moment -after all, he had places to go and bedtime avoidance schemes to plot, but oh how I savored that moment with my not so little baby. And then there was the way Miles’s face lit up when Papa got home from work like it does every evening. That boy loves his Papa! There is always a bustle of dragging Papa around by the hand to show him the latest lego creation, or drawing, or science expirament and telling him (in the rambling-storytelling way that only a four year old can) all the days adventures. Melts my heart every time.
There. I’m feeling much better now! (well, other than the sinus headache)
In completely unrelated news, we finally had a little teeny bit of a snow the other day.
Just a couple of inches, but enough to get this Wyoming gal all nostalgic. (Oh, who am I kidding, I will have officially lived in Arkansas half my life this summer. But Wyoming runs deep. And besides, Stephen says I won’t officially be a southerner until I develop a taste for sweet tea. Which is not. going. to happen.)
It pretty much melted that same afternoon. Literally. But it was pretty while it lasted. And now I have daffodills bursting to bloom all over the yard. I’ve had my snow fix, now bring on the Spring!