Cautiously Optimistic

Most of our friends and family already knows by now, but I guess I still need to make the official blog announcement: We are expecting our third child in December.

What an emotional ride the past month or so (well, really more than that) has been. I won’t lie, it has been really tough on me. Don’t get me wrong, I am beyond ecstatic, but there is a part of me that just can’t accept that this is happening. Not yet. The first couple of weeks was particularly hard. I really thought I was ready for this, we had after all been trying for several months at that point, but actually seeing the positive pregnancy test hit me like a ton of bricks. In one instant, I would switch back and forth between being genuinely happy and terrified. I was completely convinced that I would lose this pregnancy too, it was just a matter of when… I actually remember telling Stephen one day  when he got home from work that it had been a really “good” day; I only felt about 75% certain that we would lose this baby. I scheduled my first appointment immediately and was such a mess when I got there that my blood pressure was sky-high (I’m normally a very consistent 105/69-ish kind of gal, and fortunately they rechecked it after a few minutes of calming me down and it was much closer to normal).

It is slowly getting better though. I have a fantastic husband, supportive family and friends, and an awesome doctor who have all been so encouraging to me. I still worry every day, but I trying to be as rational as possible with myself when I start to panic. Yes, a 2nd trimester loss increases my chance of another loss, but it doesn’t automatically guarantee that it will happen again. This time, we know to be extra viligent. This time, we know some of the warning signs to look for. Plus I have had one extremely healthy pregnancy with no complications as well, and there is still a good chance that this one will proceed normally. My doctor has decided that as a proactive measure, he wants me to have ultrasounds every two weeks from 14 to 22 weeks (longer if necessary) to check my cervical length and the development of the baby. He also discussed with me the possibility of progesterone injections to prevent premature labor if the ultrasounds indicate any change in cervical length. I feel confident at this point that we are doing everything that we can to be proactive, and that is all we can do. That and wait, and pray 🙂

The last week has been the best so far. The morning sickness and exhaustion has improved somewhat, and with it my emotional state. With both previous pregnancies, there was an immediate bond that happened when I found out I was expecting. This time, it has taken more effort on my part, but I am slowly starting to feel those wonderful emotions that only a mother knows. I feel bad that those feelings weren’t immediately there, but I know that it doesn’t mean that I love this baby any less. Just that I’m scared of having to go through what I did 7 months ago. And that’s okay. I wish that there was a magical date- that I could breathe a sigh of relief after the first trimester like most women knowing my risk for miscarriage has dropped to almost zero, but I can’t . I’m one of the few who will continue to worry- probably until the moment I hold my new little miracle in my arms for the first time, and maybe even after that: 🙂 It’s going to be a long seven months!

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One thought on “Cautiously Optimistic

  1. Congratulations on this new little one! I am sure this will be a challenge for you to wait and trust!! Sending prayers and hugs your way. Keep focusing your eyes on God and His strength.

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