…and I will be relaxing in a hammock in Texas with my sisters. No phones. No computers. No bad adoption news update emails… just relaxing. I need it.
I already have the car packed and ready to go. All I need to do now is get some homework done so I don’t have that hanging over my head and make sure Stephen has some food to eat while I am gone=) Toby can tell I am about to leave, and has been trying to stow away in my duffel bag, the cooler, the picnic basket…..
He’s definitely a mama’s boy, if you hadn’t noticed=)
I really am feeling much better about the adoption situation, and I know that this weekend will help even more. (Thanks to all of my blog and real-life friends for all of your encouraging words- you have no idea how much they have meant to me!) I think that the loss of any feeling of control is what really got to me, but after calming myself down and talking with Stephen about our plans/options if Vietnam does indeed close, I am starting to feel a sense of peace about whatever lies ahead. The more we discuss and research foster-adopt, the more excited we get about it. This is something we already decided we will pursue at some point, it just seems that now it may be sooner rather than later=) We still definitely feel a connection to Vietnam and the children there who are waiting for families, and we sincerely hope that we are able to complete our adoption, but having a plan just in case is reassuring. (We are going to go ahead and submit our dossier since it is in D.C. right now getting authenticated-we’ve come this far right? but I am really feeling that it is unlikely….)
I think another factor that contributed to my freak-out was the year that I felt would be lost if we have to change directions, but I now feel at peace about that as well. Stephen and I have both grown and changed so much over the past year. We have had the chance to spend precious time with one another. We have studied, learned, and listened, and are beginning to understand some of the deeper issues that surround adoption; of loss, and pain, and inequity, and guilt. In many ways we were so naiive when we started this thing. We have also learned from many of our new adoptive family friends the amazing healing power of love and family. Along the way I have continually reminded myself that the wait is part of the process, and now more than ever I am seeing that the wait is not wasted time, it is helping us to become the parents that our child needs us to be. I don’t know the answers, I can’t see the end right now, but I know that there is a child out there somewhere waiting for a family. For now, we will just have to trust that the “when” and “how” will work themselves out.
Oh, and on a somewhat lighter note we have also decided that if we haven’t heard any positive Vietnam news by this summer we are going to go ahead and sell our house and make a move out to the country! We have been wanting to move for a while now, even have some land picked out, but have just felt like there are just too many unknowns to make such a big decision right now. What if we got a referral? How would it affect our homestudy? (there is no house on the property-yet- and since we want don’t want to add to our current mortgage debt, we would be living in an airstream trailer until we could build something!) We really want our kids to grow up in the country, not a subdivision, so I really hope that we can eventually move to this beautiful property (although, I would still rather finish our adoption first if at all possible!)
Anyways, enough rambling for now. I still have a lot to get done and I am planning to leave for Texas bright and early in the morning so I better get busy! Hoping all of you have a restful Easter weekend!